Well, this is it. The moment I have been dreading for the past 5 1/2 years. My baby girl is starting kindergarten in less than 1 week!!!! What? My little girl????? That can’t be. I mean, it wasn’t long ago she was just learning her first words and how to walk. Has it already been a couple of years since she had her first day of preschool?
I must admit I actually enjoyed that day because I didn’t have to leave her behind. She attended the preschool where I work, and I didn’t have to give her one last hug and wipe her tears away (or mine) as I left her all alone with strangers. I got to hold her hand, lead her into her preschool, walk her to her classroom, give her a hug , and then I just went next door to my own classroom where I teach. During the day I didn’t have to worry about her because I could just poke my head out of my classroom door and in to the class next to mine to make sure she was doing ok. She would always spot me peeking in and give me a big smile and a wave, letting me know she was fine. I was there for all the cool things that happened at school, like the dentist coming to teach them about brushing their teeth, Waffle House coming to make the kids waffles, movie and PJ day, Bike Day, and even practicing for the school Christmas play. I was there for it all. I got to see the joy in her eyes when all those exciting things happened, where I wouldn’t have if I wasn’t a teacher there. I got to do this for 2 years while she attended preschool.
I sit here now thinking about how a few moinths ago she walked down the aisle, in the church where her preschool is located, graduating. Wearing her cap and gown, grinning from ear to ear, walking on stage, and recieveing her preschool diploma. Such a bittersweet moment. Back then, just those 3 short months ago, we had the whole summer to look forward to and enjoy.
Now, I have only a few days left before I will be holding her hand and walking her to her big girl classroom. I will walk her in and help her find where to put her Frozen backpack(the one with Elsa, Anna, and Olaf on it) that we searched everywhere for, help her find her desk, give her a big hug and kiss, and tell her that I have to leave now. I will, of course, tell her to have fun and not to worry that I will be back in a little bit. Then, I will leave. I’m sure there will be tears, mine. Hopefully none for her on this special day. I will have to walk to my car, get in, and drive away. There will be no poking my head in her class from around the corner to see her precious smile, no being there for all the firsts that only happen at school, no being there for her to come to my classroom to kiss a boo boo she got on the playground. I will have to leave all those things for her teacher.
I know I will have the hardest time driving away on that day. My mind won’t be anywhere else but with her all day long. I also know that I will gain something I have never had before either. I will get to have the excitement of coming to pick her up from school everyday. I will get to see her smile ear to ear when she spots me at pick up time. I will get to pick her up in my arms when she has come running to me. I get to have those huge loving hugs from her that tells me she has truly missed me that I didn’t get before because she was always with me. I get to see her excited face as she tells me all of her stories about school, and truly be surprised and interested because I wasn’t there when it happened. I can then kiss any boo boos she may have gotten on the playground or give her hugs and tell her it’s okay if she’s had a disagreement with a friend.
I have to realize I am still mommy. Even though I may not be with there with her every moment, I will ALWAYS be there FOR her. I will always be the person she comes to when she needs comforting, runs to when she has exciting news, and looks to when she needs advice. So, no matter what(her entering kindergarten or her getting married) I am her mommy, and she will ALWAYS be my little girl.